Werewolves? Phst. Vampires? Please. Lawyers? Eeek!

Well... I've finished the book that I had set aside for this week and the ferry. What the fuck to do now?

Oh right, deal with life. That is after all what I read to escape. Haha.

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So anyways, now that I've thrown that out there... The whole point of this post really wasn't about finishing my book at all, well, not totally. The book just reminded me that I can't just sit around and be that freak that never deals with problems.

Yeah, in otherwords, quit waiting for the conversation to come to me. The problem wont be solved unless I file the paperwork to get the correct information.... so to speak anyways...

So here it is. I finish my book (good book, I'd recommend it to anyone. "Howling" By Tom Holt. ) and I remember, oh yeah, guess its time to close those accounts, finish up this nasty buisness, and get paid.... once again so to speak.

Jerkface is sort of my Allshapes account....Wont balance right, can't close it off. Been trying to figure it out for years. Well fuck it. I'm tired of working on it now. I've remember what lifes all about again. Not sitting in some shabby little office trying to make the words work. Nope.

I'm just going to jump out there, run full tilt at it, and find out whats really there. Tried that once in a round-a-bout sort of way. Failed miserably. But hey, wasn't really prepared for the case. Didn't have the perspective that I do now.

So I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I filed the paperwork today. In the form of a message to Jerkface that simple stated something along the lines of this (not an exact quote):

"We need to have a serious conversation. You can decide when. Never is of course an acceptable answer, as it will speak volumes."

And then look at that, time to clock out for the day. An answer, as in "lets go for coffee tomorrow" or "how does now sound?" or something along those lines, means guidlines will be set out, along the lines of, "if you'd like to keep telling me you love me, then be with me...If you don't want to be with me, quit being so full of 'you have my soul' 'i love you' junk"....Never, on the other hand, means one of two things: 1) Jerkface is really a chickenshit or 2) He never really meant anything he said.

Either way...fine by me. Atleast I'll know, and can be content with whatever the outcome is. I didn't lie about it. Hide feelings, mask them, act.....lawyer-ish about the situation...possibly. But lie about it? run from it? No.

Not this time. I'm standing the ground I have, because I'm not going to leave with what ifs in my head and possible regrets to follow.

So here it is world.... Heres what I've become. Because I've had to. I've morphed into a sort of Lawyer-ish creature... the worst monster of all. And I believe I'm better for it.

-S