And I have to remind myself.

I have to remind myself its okay to feel.

Emotions are normal. however mine may sway to extreme ups and downs, they are the normal for me.

I feel like screaming, i feel like laughing, i feel like crying. all the the same time. and thats just a brief over veiw.

the general feeling is despair. and for no reason.

I have no reason to feel on the negative side of things. I would rather have this than a pill induced version of a happy emotion. Rather this than a fog of days running together.

So I just have to keep telling myself that its okay to feel.

I am okay.

-S

Oh Wake Me Up With Some Mornin' Glory

Oh crue. How I love you <3 \m/ Rock on!

Anyways.

I just wanted to say that I've come a long way. Read Nikki Sixx's book (The Heroin Diaries ) Its a must read.

Lots of self realization came out of that book, not that I've ever used heroin, I haven't and don't plan on it, ever, but there is still lots to relate to at the end of the day. Plus I <3 Nikki Sixx, so I would never pass up the chance to read his book.

Good on ya Nikki, I wish I had the balls to tell my story as real & raw as you have.

Lost the point to this.

Just felt like writing.

Maybe tomorrow I'll be a bit more gathered & prepared to write some shit.

Much loves!

xoxo

-S

Started for me & went elsewhere.

Well hello.

Once again its been ages since I've written, and once again, oh my, how things have changed!

It has 10 months since I've posted last. My how time flies! It is also nearing the 11 month mark for Chev & I. And what I wrote almost a year ago still stands true to this day. I am the happiest woman because when Chev puts his arm around me, I feel. Those words ring true to this very moment in time.

I admire him, and cherish him and adore him.

But now, for whats new?

I've changed jobs, I've gone from managing a gas station/liquor store to being an assistant manager at a Seven Eleven. But hey, its same pay, PLUS benefits at the new job.

Once again I've faced adversity over my age and all the ensuing drama, but that happens, and as with every problem, it has its solutions. I've learned over the many moons just to take things day by day.

- - -

I've started tattooing. Not for everyone and their dogs, but for me. I wanted to do it for me, so I am. I have a great love & respect for the industry & culture of tattoos and artwork. I have a great respect for the artists out there. But As I said, I'm doing this for me.

I got my gear & my inks & all my other instruments for myself, so I can put my own artwork on myself.

I do not apologize if that makes me a "scratcher".

I have been offered a sort of apprenticeship, go in learn about techniques etc etc. & I do go and do that when I'm not working 5-6 days a week or taking care of my family. Its not that I'm not serious or lacking respect or any other such things for the industry & culture, its just that I do have bills that need to be paid & a family to worry about.

A few family members & friends have approached me for tattoos, & the first thing I do is explain to them that I am NOT a professional tattoo artist & their artwork may not turn out completely the way they want it, once they fully understand that risk, should they choose to continue, then we talk about art-work. what they want, what I can and can't do (yet), comfort zones, placement, etc. If I feel that I can not meet their needs, there are professional artists that I direct them to. I have no problem saying "no, you should go see ______"

Like I said, the only reason I got my things were for me, its just happened to go else where.

And for all you nay-sayers out there. Everyone starts some where, you ass-hat.

I'm sure that when you first started out, when the itch first kicked in, when you realized your dream & what you wanted, it started out on yourself and friends and family as well.

Not for all, but for a majority of you it did. So suck it up bastards, because I'm not sorry & I'm not going away.

If I want to put my artwork on myself, then that is my personal business, and like I said, if someone close to me comes to me and expresses interest in my work, then so be it, but if I feel that I can't meet their needs, I send them else where.

Fuck off if you've got something negative to say, you haven't seen my artwork, you haven't see my tattoos, I'm not on here bragging I'm just saying I'm sick of all the negativity & all the backwards elitist-ism going on.

Don't bother to post nasty things in reply, I wont respond to them, I have better things to do than argue online with people.

- - -

Anyways, I'll try to post more frequently...

I should post more frequently, but my time is rather full up these days.

Well, catch ya on the next go round!

-S