I'm possibly the worst offender for using lyrics as my titles. oh well.
I've been down the last few days, well about a week actually. I think part of it has to do with the quitting smoking & the other part is I've become quite attached to blogging, I try to do it daily (i feel its effects better than my multi-vitamin) but I haven't been able to get on to it on my laptop for 'bout a week now.
-Insert cry face here-
I read, and deleted some of the blogs I've had over the years. God was I ever have a lot of angst & hate for the world. For everything really.
I had no fear of showing it either.
Not that I do now, I'm over being a punching bag & taking every bodys shit, if I've got a problem you'll know, but i digress, Once apon a time I was sixteen, and a very very angry girl.
I'm thankful that I am not there anymore.
Fuck today, I'm thankful I got on to write in this blog no one follows.
I've come to the conclusion this is for me, & no one else. & i'm okay with that.
Its how I come to terms with myself.
Sometimes we have some amazing revelations here.
Well got to go collect my love from the couch and move him to bed.
Sweetest dreams readers.
xoxo
-S
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
16 Year old me rambles on. 08/04/2006
My creativity runs to an extent. I don't run around and act like a
moron, because, I don't think I'm physically or mentally capable of it.
I've been raised to act and be inteligent. I've been raised to be me.
I don't need every little materialistic item I see, like half the other people I know, I try to keep my priorities straight - although I don't always succseed, and I don't have to be a cat behind a persons back - I am to their face. When I have a problem, I let you know. I just don't act like nothings wrong and then tell everyone else behind your back... That would just be pointless.
I like the shade black, I like the colours lime green, hot pink, orange. I like it when it rains, no, when it pours.I adore kisses and being kissed in the pouring rain. I like snow, it looks beautiful and pure. I love it when the wind blows my hair and I love the sound of my horse when he whinnies when he sees me and I love watching him run towards me. I love being alive and sometimes I hate it. But who doesn't?
I have my own horse, Tucker, he lives in a large corral in my back yard; my own dog, Spook, she lives in the house and outside; and two cats, Cheech and Chong, they are inside cats - the only thing their useful for is keeping the mice away.
I live on a ranch with cows, we have chickens, and more horses than just mine, and a rooster. I hate that rooster.
I love my friends, Even though their a 20 mintue drive away, but they do whatever they can to come pick me up or make sure I can get home. They're the bestest. And sometimes I can't stand them... But thats just because I'm me.
I find its easier to give advice than to follow it, and that its easier to be liked for who youre not. So I'm hated for who I am and Liked for who I'm not. I'd rather someone see the real me, then a fake person, a shell of who I am.
I don't like to show the real deep and personal raw me. The best way to figure me and my life out, is through my poetry and my writings. If anything, all the strength and courage that I show to my friends, I've learned alot in the last 16 years of my grade 11 life. Inside, I swallow that scared little girl, inside I tell myself that I have to survive for me, its not about spiteing those that don't want you around, its not about proving that you're better than that, its about telling yourself that you are good enough. Its about living for what makes you happy, and being happy because youre living. All the huge depressing things in life, they don't matter, its all those small things that make you happy, the tiniest thing that you're supposed to grasp onto and love to bits, like the wind through your hair, or the sun on your face... Its those things that make life worth living for. Its not who is beside you or what so-and-so said, its about the magical things in life. Its about living today as if its the last day. Its about that feeling when you lay down at night and say "I'll look back on this and smile because its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". Its about the day that you lay your head on your death-bed and reveiw your life and go "I lived it to the fullest and I had the best time of my life." Its about being happy wit the music in your head and always remembering that all we have is today. Its about being yourself in the big pictures, and doing what makes you happy in the small picture. Its about taking the good with the bad and the bad with the good. In the end all that matters is that you lived your life the way you wanted it, because anything you want to do, you can do.
But thats just the way I see it.
I don't need every little materialistic item I see, like half the other people I know, I try to keep my priorities straight - although I don't always succseed, and I don't have to be a cat behind a persons back - I am to their face. When I have a problem, I let you know. I just don't act like nothings wrong and then tell everyone else behind your back... That would just be pointless.
I like the shade black, I like the colours lime green, hot pink, orange. I like it when it rains, no, when it pours.I adore kisses and being kissed in the pouring rain. I like snow, it looks beautiful and pure. I love it when the wind blows my hair and I love the sound of my horse when he whinnies when he sees me and I love watching him run towards me. I love being alive and sometimes I hate it. But who doesn't?
I have my own horse, Tucker, he lives in a large corral in my back yard; my own dog, Spook, she lives in the house and outside; and two cats, Cheech and Chong, they are inside cats - the only thing their useful for is keeping the mice away.
I live on a ranch with cows, we have chickens, and more horses than just mine, and a rooster. I hate that rooster.
I love my friends, Even though their a 20 mintue drive away, but they do whatever they can to come pick me up or make sure I can get home. They're the bestest. And sometimes I can't stand them... But thats just because I'm me.
I find its easier to give advice than to follow it, and that its easier to be liked for who youre not. So I'm hated for who I am and Liked for who I'm not. I'd rather someone see the real me, then a fake person, a shell of who I am.
I don't like to show the real deep and personal raw me. The best way to figure me and my life out, is through my poetry and my writings. If anything, all the strength and courage that I show to my friends, I've learned alot in the last 16 years of my grade 11 life. Inside, I swallow that scared little girl, inside I tell myself that I have to survive for me, its not about spiteing those that don't want you around, its not about proving that you're better than that, its about telling yourself that you are good enough. Its about living for what makes you happy, and being happy because youre living. All the huge depressing things in life, they don't matter, its all those small things that make you happy, the tiniest thing that you're supposed to grasp onto and love to bits, like the wind through your hair, or the sun on your face... Its those things that make life worth living for. Its not who is beside you or what so-and-so said, its about the magical things in life. Its about living today as if its the last day. Its about that feeling when you lay down at night and say "I'll look back on this and smile because its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". Its about the day that you lay your head on your death-bed and reveiw your life and go "I lived it to the fullest and I had the best time of my life." Its about being happy wit the music in your head and always remembering that all we have is today. Its about being yourself in the big pictures, and doing what makes you happy in the small picture. Its about taking the good with the bad and the bad with the good. In the end all that matters is that you lived your life the way you wanted it, because anything you want to do, you can do.
But thats just the way I see it.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Beach access
It is absolutely beautiful outside.
Such a nice day. Just have to clean up the kitchen a bit and then I think I'm going to go for a wander again.
Its just so energizing when the sun is shining on you.
Oh Sunny days I love you sooooo much!!
xoxo
-S
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Road? Who needs road?
I'm feeling sad again today. but at least I'm not a teary eyed bastard today.
Not yet any ways.
jokes. i think.
Ugh, im not even sure why i bother trying to write this.
its just another thing no one cares about.
just another this no one notices.
Just another empty vessel.
-S
Not yet any ways.
jokes. i think.
Ugh, im not even sure why i bother trying to write this.
its just another thing no one cares about.
just another this no one notices.
Just another empty vessel.
-S
Monday, April 9, 2012
Going under.
I'm very down today.
Now that i've worked a 13 hour day, the tears are here. and its not because of work, im just tired, and i'm trying to stop smoking, and I had two or three, maybe four. I dont know, I just want to stop and it sounds funny but its an addiction non the less, and its hard to stop. I feel like I cant....
Today everyone in my family (& 1/2 the extended family) are having easter dinner. wish I was there.
But im not. so sitting alone in my house, listening to music will have to suffice. just like my peanut butter sandwich had to.
I guess I should just crawl into bed & go to sleep. 4 am comes early.
Im trying so hard to not feel this bad for no reason, but I feel absolutely devastated for no real reason.
I feel so isolated today.
-S
Now that i've worked a 13 hour day, the tears are here. and its not because of work, im just tired, and i'm trying to stop smoking, and I had two or three, maybe four. I dont know, I just want to stop and it sounds funny but its an addiction non the less, and its hard to stop. I feel like I cant....
Today everyone in my family (& 1/2 the extended family) are having easter dinner. wish I was there.
But im not. so sitting alone in my house, listening to music will have to suffice. just like my peanut butter sandwich had to.
I guess I should just crawl into bed & go to sleep. 4 am comes early.
Im trying so hard to not feel this bad for no reason, but I feel absolutely devastated for no real reason.
I feel so isolated today.
-S
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Incentivize that employee!!
got myself a laptop. well a netbook. and an ipod shuffle.
but i did it because im going to quit smoking, and i figure i can either have/do one or the other, 1) keep smoking, 2) quit smoking & have cool stuff.
went for number two.
I know it seems so materialistic, but in the long run not only will it save me money but it will be awesomeness all around. soooo i did it. deal with it.
ive really got no point to writing today. just felt like playing on my netbook, and thought I'd update my blog with random ramblings of nothings.
sweet sweet nothings.
Well, gab atcha later!
-S
but i did it because im going to quit smoking, and i figure i can either have/do one or the other, 1) keep smoking, 2) quit smoking & have cool stuff.
went for number two.
I know it seems so materialistic, but in the long run not only will it save me money but it will be awesomeness all around. soooo i did it. deal with it.
ive really got no point to writing today. just felt like playing on my netbook, and thought I'd update my blog with random ramblings of nothings.
sweet sweet nothings.
Well, gab atcha later!
-S
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