She told herself she didn’t want to write about you tonight because shes not sure she trusts her own emotions; You are at the forefront of her brain once again. When shes got the time to think you are revived in her mind. She does not take the time to contemplate these words; no point in trying to display them eloquently. They are words on a page.
She realizes the time is late and she should sleep. Unfortunately she lacks the ability to tell you she wants to grow old by your side. So she’ll write the many words here instead. She thinks of the short time you had together and wonders how she can base all these emotions on those couple encounters. The conversations never stopped and even though she is miles from you, they still continue.
She worries because you talk of making big life changes, and you keep them secret. She ponders wether the way she feels would change anything in your plans. Fate has a way of working; the words she uses to comfort herself. In love shes failed many times; Shes stopped trying. Shes yearning for something real to find her for once.
Its odd to think, she says shes given up, but if she were to flip a coin for a life with or without you, she knows what she’d secretly be hoping for. Theres a longing in her heart. She’ll never open her mouth and risk the hurt with you though. Arguments are posed inside her mind, she argues a relationship could never work because of the distance. She listens to her brain screaming back; her reasoning is absurd. Should these emotions be real and meaningful, the distance wont matter. She understands that voice is right. She wants you to take her hand, and show her.
She supposes you’ll never be able to prove her right if she never says anything, but she doesn’t want to face defeat again.
If you said no, you’d shatter her heart, therefore she is content to just be around you.
-S
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