I don't. I just don't understand. Where does it go through your head that you can just tell me everything from you love me, to I'll always be your girl....and then turn around and act completely different, and just pretend you didn't say a damn thing?
Can anyone help me understand? oh wait, let me guess. Its just the male phyche. Its just what they do. Its just the normal games they play.
Bullshit. All of it. B-U-L-L S-H-I-T.
I'm so frusterated at this point in time. Its never until someone else shows any form of slight potential of interest in me that all this shit comes out. And y'know what, half of the people I've been talking to lately are just friends. But no, as soon as there could be a possible threat to the throne, it just becomes "Lets fuck with Sammys Heart" day. and all the stops come out, and I'm forced to listen to a bunch of crap that really has no sustinance to it.... but it makes me kinda giggle and feel all girlie... Like I'm loved or some shit.
I mean he says it. says he means it, but actions speak louder than words... and actions say that he doesn't give a fuck....untill im not there, then i hear all this shit about how much he does love me... and I just want some honest truth to my life. I have big changes in my life coming up. Big changes in my life that have yet to be made, and half the information im getting could be a big sway in how things actually turn out... But I need to know that if I make that choice, that its going to not be a fuck around like it has been.
But hey, they say that the way a man acts now is how hes going to be 20 years from now. And I don't really want to deal with this same ol' shit 20 years from now.
But why spend so much time chasing me if its not true? FUCK
I just don't understand. or wait, maybe I just inadvertantly answered my own question. Maybe thats all hes looking for.
I just need to get baked, munch out, and go to bed. I should not leave the house in such a messed up mood, or I'm going to go on a rampage and start hunting down everyone thats pissed me off in the last little while.
I don't understand love games. I don't get why people can't just say what they mean and stick up for what they say. why does everything have to be such a game? Why does everyone have to say something and then be coy about it? WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST SAY WHAT THEY MEAN?! is it really that hard? really?!
But apparently... Yes, it is, unless you're my brother in law...who is constantly being told "DARIN!!! YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!" to which, his reply is simple... "BUT I MEAN IT!"
I suppose that tattoo of the heart in webs with the cross-bones behind it is a good representation of this whole situation. LOVE STINKS.
and if there was ever someone that could change my mind.... Fuck that, I don't think there is anymore. And that was not an emo statement, I just honestly think Love stinks. But hey, thats why I've given up on dating and men...and women. I completely skipped being a lesbian for being a nun. bahahaha. I'd have to believe in something to be a nun. I'd have to be well behaved, untattooed and drink a hell of a lot less to be a nun.
I'm not ready to give up my drinking at said point in time either. I mean, if I had a good reason, I would. And as of now, the only reason I have to pretty well quit drinking comes in september when I go to school. :)
I Can't WAIT to leave this shitty little town and make some good changes for myself.
Yaye me. :)
-S
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